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You are at the store and find yourself halfway through your grocery list. Suddenly your child loses it over a box of Yummy-Sugar-Os and throws the mother of all tantrums. As you feel your pulse start to race and the eyes of your fellow customers bore into your skull, take a deep breath and know that you are in good company. Throughout all generations and across all cultures, one thing remains the same. Kids will act like...well, kids.

Don't believe me? Check out this story:

In 1689, Francois Fenelon was named the tutor for the then 7 year old Duke of Burgundy, who was second in line for the throne of France. The child was known as a petulant, spoiled brat and was famous for throwing violent fits. Most courtiers expected Fenelon to be eaten alive by this boy who had abused them for the last several years.

When the new tutor first appeared on the scene, the young Duke wasted no time in showing his skills in creating chaos. He threw a legendary tantrum which lasted for hours. Everyone in the palace expected Fenelon to either pack his things and leave or blow his top with outrage. Fenelon surprised them all and quietly waited for the Duke to finish his outburst. He sat with the child, neither condoning nor cajoling. He kept his cool and composure until the boy had nothing left to dish out. He then left the chambers and went to his room.

Over the course of their relationship, the boy tried on numerous occasions to bait Fenelon into an argument or a tantrum of his own, but the wise master decided to ignore the tirades. Instead, he chose to guide the young duke with gentleness and patience. He used the boy’s fierce sense of pride to help him see that his petty tantrums were only making him look foolish. He then proceeded to teach the young leader positive qualities through the use of story. He wrote a series of books, just for the duke, with a hero who went through trials and faced choices of all sorts. The boy soon realized that his mentor was vastly more mature than he and he grew to respect Fenelon immensely. When it was time for the duke to assume his courtly responsibilities, he was widely respected as a leader with tremendous self-control and reverence for his post.

Kids have always responded to calm authority. This generation is no different. They don’t want a leader who will lash out with anger or hide in moments of fear. They want someone who will stand in his convictions and not be swayed by the emotion of the moment. Kids want to follow people who don’t seem to get their feathers ruffled even when the wind is swirling. Come to think of it, we all want to follow someone like that.

Like Fenelon, we need to see the value in keeping our cool. We’d like to even go one step further and redefine the term. “Keeping your cool” is not about being the most popular adult in the room. It’s about being the calmest one, in the midst of making some very unpopular choices in the eyes of your kids. It’s about staying calm and connected when all you want to do is flip out or give up. It’s definitely not an easy route to take, but we’re sure that it’s the better one. So, to give your kids the best chance at becoming self-controlled adults and follow the wise path of Fenelon.

In his own words, “Genuine good taste consists in saying much in few words, in choosing among our thoughts, in having order and arrangement in what we say, and in speaking with composure.” I’d say that’s pretty cool.

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