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You won’t find pink carnations, chalky message hearts, and Hallmark platitudes around the Runkel home tomorrow. This day looks much like any other and they wouldn’t have it any other way. Hal is a bona fide Valentine Grinch and in this article, he tells you exactly why.

Everyone knows that this holiday with its prepackaged chocolates and plastic sentiments is, in many ways, a creation of consumerism. Americans alone spend something like 14 billion a year on Cupid's Big Day. It seems like Hallmark is the one really feeling the love.

What’s really interesting to me is that a large portion of that 14 billion is targeted toward children. What kind of message are we sending when along with sweet nothings to our spouses, we send syrupy cards to our children asking them to be our Valentines? It’s a telling one. What has been traditionally a celebration of a couple’s romantic love has morphed into a celebration of all kinds of love and parents are far too often more comfortable with that than they are with each other.

The love between two adults is markedly different than the love between parent and child, but on days like today, it’s easy to see that parents are often uncomfortable acknowledging that, let alone celebrating it. With good intentions, many parents fall into the trap of sacrificing their relationship for the sake of the children. Date nights become a thing of the past in order to spend more time with the kids. Romantic dinners turn into hurried stops at Taco Bell before the next baseball game. In doing all the things we think the kids need most, we are ignoring the one thing that they truly do need most: us. The “us” of couple-hood is an amazingly powerful force in the life of a child. And when the search for “what is best for the kids” begins to dominate the household, we fall prey to the ultimate irony. What is best for the kids is a strong marriage, the likes of which cannot be created when those very kids are the focus of attention.

So, it would seem that our relationship expert would wholeheartedly advocate the 14th of February. On the contrary. Too many couples rely on Hallmark to tell them when to be romantic. Since they have ignored this aspect of their relationship for so long, the buildup is tremendous. When the day finally arrives, the chocolates and roses can sometimes feel trite and forced, even when they are not. With expectations so high on Valentine’s Day, small gestures can garner more resentment than romance. Instead of buying into the 14 billion dollar hype, I advocate subtle, creative, everyday ways to remind your spouse why you fell for them in the first place.

While a cheesy vase full of carnations feels forced on Valentine’s Day, a single stemmed one left on a pillow one random Tuesday can feel quite thrilling. A scheduled date out on the 14th can be special, but a surprise sitter at the door holding directions to a rendezvous with your spouse will rekindle the romance like you wouldn’t believe. These small gestures, done regularly instead of on one day during the second week in February, will not only strengthen your bond as a couple, but will ultimately provide the safe, happy place that your kids really crave. Come to think of it, maybe Hallmark has a point after all. You should "Care enough to send the very best", just be sure and do it each and every day of the year.