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Undoubtedly, many of us heard this exact question this past Mothers’ Day: “It’s no fair Mommy gets a day; why don’t we get a kids’ day?” And undoubtedly, many of us came back with this exact reply: “Every day is kids’ day!”

I remember having that same interchange with my parents when I was a kid. Seems almost universal and timeless—kids don’t think mothers and fathers should get their own day, and mothers and fathers think kids should be more grateful that every day is all about the kids.

Well, both are wrong. I believe every day is Mothers’ Day. And every day is kids’ day.

This is because every day belongs to us, and it is up to each of us to spend it as we see fit. Whenever we exclaim that “every day is kids’ day,” we are explaining our own frustration with parenting—it seems that we have to put our own lives on hold in order to live only for our kids’ benefit. It makes perfect sense, therefore, to have one day a year where the kids take a turn living for Mom or Dad. We deserve it for all the sacrifices we make the other 364 days a year, right?

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Whenever I start to feel that way, I have to ask myself some serious questions. Is that what I’m doing—sacrificing my life for the sake of my kids? Is that why I’m doing this sacrificing—to have my kids finally make me feel appreciated and respected?

The difficult truth to face is that all too often I love my kids for my own benefit, hoping that I’m doing what is best for them by neglecting myself, and hoping that they will respect me more than I respect myself. After all, when Fathers’ Day comes up and they give me “permission” to go and play golf, then I won’t feel as selfish as I normally do when I take the links. Is that how it works for you, that you cherish your gender’s day so that at last you can get permission to take care of yourself and feel justified in doing so?

Every day is Mothers’ Day because every day belongs to you. And your number one responsibility is to focus on yourself and take care of yourself in order to be the best mom you can be. It is your job to pamper yourself and reward yourself and most importantly, respect yourself. That is not in your kids’ job description. It is their job to respect themselves, not feel goaded into appreciating you one day of the year and then take all they can from you the rest of the time.

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So here’s an idea: now that Mothers’ Day has passed, do something for yourself without asking anyone else’s permission. Do something that you love (exercise, massage, cup of coffee, nap, whatever) that makes you feel strong and confident, and tell no one else about it except God. You’ll be amazed at how capable and attentive you’ll be when you return to your family.

And they’ll be amazed to see you calmer and more connected. That’s the path to becoming ScreamFree.