AskHal

You don’t, because you can’t get him to do anything he doesn’t want to do. And that’s what you really want; you want him to decide on his own not to talk that way. So here’s the question to ask yourself: Why would he want to change and start talking more respectfully? What would motivate him to do so?

If you’re able to do so with calm curiosity, then ask him that very question. Reveal to him your confusion about his new language and tone and ask him what he gets out of it. What is most critical is not his reply, however, but rather your tone. Ask him in an anxious, need to know manner and you’ll just create more of the same attitude. Ask him with calm interest, however, like you would ask a new friend, and you’ll create the possibility for something different.

Your son is a unique human being from you, and he is making a choice to speak in a way that you both know irritates you. Inquire about it with genuine curiosity, let go of your need to change him, and watch how he evolves. You might be amazed at what happens next.