AskHal

just a thought . . .

Thanks so much for the feedback. In so many ways, I think you're right. I do believe in certain psychological/biological diagnoses, and that when found, can radically shift the treatment program going forward.

The difficulty, which you've obviously experienced, is differentiating a relationship pattern from a more ingrained biopsycho issue. The truth is that even with a conclusive biopsycho diagnosis, relationship patterns are still in need of evaluation and transformation. That's why I focus so much more on what parents can do (change their part of the pattern) and less on what they can't (fix a child's biology).

With that said, I should probably include a word about when to talk with a professional. This is touchy territory liability-wise, and we've been talking about the best way to handle it. While I do not want to encourage the rampant over-diagnosis process happening across the country, I do want people to be aware that sometimes it is a medical issue.

I hope that your son's is not. I know hearing a medical diagnosis may provide some relief, but it also runs the risk of creating various "accommodation" patterns around your son that can end up crippling his ability to cope with and even overcome his struggle.

Thanks again for the feedback,

Hal