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Your Loving Wife

Okay, honey, that's enough time at the keyboard for you. But I know your question echoes the thoughts of many folks out there, so I'll offer a few suggestions here. Ten, to be exact. But don't hold me to all of them--I'll pick and choose just like everyone else, and I won't do any of them perfectly. But you already knew that, I'm sure.

1. Intentionally sweat. Find a way to sweat on purpose every day. Yes, this probably involves exercise. It may just involve talking with Aunt Minerva. Do it, whatever it takes. And then shower. If you don’t, then you’re missing a wonderful mini-retreat (without kids or relatives!). Come back to the craziness smelling good and feeling fresh.

2. Slow down. Curtis Strange says this about Tiger Woods: “When everything around him gets crazy, and when he starts to underperform, he slows everything down. He slows his swing, his speech, and even his walk. The rest of us do just the opposite.” Seems to work for Tiger.

3. Make lists. I know, it sounds like a therapy exercise, but it works. Make a list of the holiday activities that mean the most to you. Include favorite traditions and foods. Rank the activities by importance.

4. Discuss everyone’s expectations. In a family meeting, plan events so that every person gets to include at least one favorite activity during the season. Cross out items that aren’t possible. Explain “why” to children. Negotiate and compromise until the family is happy with the results.

5. Decide who will help with each activity. If only one person does it, consider getting rid of that activity. The family must share the work of the holidays to appreciate the closeness of the season. Getting ready for Christmas is the best part. It is not a time to work alone on anything, except secret gifts. Children need the experience of being part of the celebration, not just the recipients or by-standers.

6. Space out. Don’t over-do the togetherness thing. Adults need time together without children. Children need time without adults. Everyone needs time to be alone, even during the holidays. Especially during the holidays.

7. Think about what you are doing. Ask yourself, “Why am I doing this?” If you like the answer, keep doing it. If not, stop before resentment and anger take over.

8. Do less. (and enjoy more). Do the things that are most important and let other things go. Lower standards for housework if necessary. Ask yourself, “What will happen if I don’t get this done?” If the answer is nothing, don’t do it.

9. Put it off. If you can live with the results of not doing it, whatever it is, put it off for a while. With housework, for instance, you’ll always get another chance.

10. Enjoy. A stressed-out parent creates a stressed-out home. A happy, relaxed parent creates a much better atmosphere for children. Joy is contagious.

11. Whenever possible, pursue your spouse with sexual advances. Just making sure you're still paying attention, honey.