AskHal

Help! My husband and I can’t agree on how far apart to space our children. How much harder is it going from 1 to 2 children when they are close in age versus when they are 3 or 4 years apart? We’ve heard so many conflicting arguments for both sides and we can’t make up our minds. We just want to do what’s best for our family. Can you give us some wisdom?

Honestly, going from one to two kids is hard, regardless of the age difference. But usually, everyone will eventually feel that their particular age spread is the hardest.

• Those with kids born very close together complain about not getting a good night’s sleep for over two years in a row.
• Those with a little more gap will protest that getting out of the baby routine just as another one arrives is the hardest adjustment.
• Those with a much bigger space between kids will confess forgetting everything they learned the first time around and having to start all over again from scratch.
• And those with twins will be able to trump them all, for obvious reasons.

It is honorable that you want to plan in order to do what’s best for your kids. The truth is that no age gap between kids is objectively more difficult than any other. It’s just that no one ever wants the problem they’ve got. And few of us want to believe that parenting is just hard, period. But it is. And I believe it’s supposed to be, ‘cause our kids are not the only ones who have some growing up to do.