AskHal

Hal,

I would like to know your opinion on a 13 year old boy's use of facebook and Xbox live. I want to trust him and let him choose to do the right thing, but also understand that he is too trusting of others. I have parental controls but he complains that he can't play with others that friends of friends of friends know. Suggestions please?

Monica J.

Hi Monica,

I think that it’s important in all areas of life that we lead our kids more than we police them. We tend to fall into extremes and that’s pretty much going to guarantee that he ends up making really bad choices (which he still might do anyway). We either protect too much or we ignore too much. We must equip instead.

Talk to him about your very real concerns. Then teach him what to do if and when he comes upon something that is detrimental. If he is prepared for what dangers lurk and how to handle them in a mature and helpful way, he’ll be less likely to be affected by them in the first place.

Here are a few things to think about:

• Only allow access to the internet (or the xbox) on the family computer (or gaming station) in an open and accessible location.

• If you allow him to do facebook, do so only with the stipulation that you are one of his friends. That way, you have access to his page.

• Encourage him to come to you with things he’s unsure of and then DON”T FREAK OUT when he does.

So, talk to him, listen to him, think before acting, act out of principle, then reevaluate. Start giving him small steps of freedom, put some guidelines into place for him and then put a timeline on the whole deal – he’ll see you as a resource to use rather than an obstacle to overcome.

Take Care,

Hal