AskHal

This refers to Jamie Rasor’s two sides of parenting: the personal side (loving affection, play, sharing feelings) and the business side (scheduling, discipline, negotiating privileges). Both sides are vital to a great parenting relationship, and thus both sides must be present within each parent. The way to balance the two begins with focusing on you. What do you like about the personal side? Is there an emotional need you are seeking there? What’s the hardest part about the business side? Do you fear she won’t like you as much?

One key is realizing that your kids not only need both sides from you, they are actually seeking both from you. They don’t want you to just be affectionate, they want you to provide structure. Another key is keeping the two sides separate. A business transaction (like enforcing a disciplinary action) is not cause for you getting so upset that you can’t be around her. Let her know, through your calm, that her misbehavior demands discipline but it doesn’t mean you’re angry. When you exercise both roles separately, you’ll be amazed at the mutually respectful relationship growing between you.