AskHal

Dear Hal,

How should we as parents be handling this recent economic crisis? My husband thinks we should talk to our kids about our poor financial situation, but I think that is uncalled for. They are only 6 and 8 and they can’t possibly understand what is going on. Which one of us is right?

Rita in Missouri

Dear Rita –

I don’t like answering who is right and who is wrong – no therapist worth his salt would ever take that route. What I will do is to point out how both of you are right, sort of. Your husband is correct. You should talk to your kids about what is going on in the world of money woes. Why? Because kids are way more perceptive than we commonly think. With everyone in the media discussing the “crisis” and “bailout”, there’s little chance that your kids haven’t already heard some things that are disconcerting. Besides that, they are bound to pick up your non verbal cues of tension that you are probably carrying around along with your financial burden. With that said, you are right as well…

Your kids are only 6 and 8. They shouldn’t be burdened with the stress of money problems. But that doesn't meant that you should keep them in the dark. In fact, that’s precisely the reason why you should be talking to them. Your goal in opening the door of conversation is to allay their fears – which means that you’ll have to get a hold of yours. The worst thing you can do is pretend that nothing is going on. Kids know better and you telling them that their instincts are incorrect is actually abusive, even if done in the name of protection. Instead, calmly tell them that there are some money problems going on in our country and you’re available to answer any questions they may have about the things they hear. Assure them that even though people are anxious and money may get very tight, your family will stick together and come out of things just fine. Here’s a chance for you to model what you want them to learn as well – that people are more important than things. Again, this all comes back to focusing on yourself. You have to take some deep breaths during this crunch time – we all do. Panic never solves anything and the best thing we can do when we’re scared is to take a moment and be thankful for all of the things that we do have.

I know that times are scary, but your children need you now more than ever to be a real grownup. That means acting calmly and in their best interest. Be open and at the same time mindful of why you’re being open and your kids will relax back into childhood with ease.