AskHal

Wow, sounds like you've all been through quite a few years, actually. I'm guessing that the years before this last one were pretty rough--that's why they went to live with your mother in the first place. Regardless of the situation, I'm sure you and your kids are all thrilled to get back together.

Or maybe not. Maybe the situation is leaving all parties a little confused, or torn. Your kids have known a lot of chaos in their short lives, and now they're facing yet another transition. But they're getting to move back in with Mommy, so it's a transitiong they want, so it's all a little confusing. I'm sure your mother is torn; she obviously loves your kids a great deal and wants what's best for them, but she may doubt whether that's living with you or her. She may be look toward having her home back to herself, but she will deeply miss the daily life with your kids.

And even you are facing a tremendously confusing transition. You're probably getting your life back together, and after a year of hard separation from your kids, you can't wait to get your babies back. And yet, you're not sure whether you can be the type of mother you've always wanted to be. And you're not sure whether they want to be back with with, whether they'll respect you at all after a year, and whether you'll be able to handle it when they begin to criticize, disrespect, and even wish they could go back and live with your mother.

Ouch.

What you can take confidence in is the fact that you're doing to right thing. You're courageously accepting your responsibility to your kids, getting yourself ready to create a new life with them. Congratulations. Yours is not an easy journey, but it is the right one.

And the greatest thing you need is this confidence. Confidence in yourself and your choices is your greatest asset. This is because when you believe in yourself and your choices, you can live with negative responses to those choices. And kids being kids will definitely give you negative responses. Kids facing these transitions will do it even more so. You can go a long way to normalizing their experience by giving them the freedom to have it.

Being confident in yourself can help you give them the freedom to disagree with you, the freedom to feel torn between you and your mother, the freedom to express their confusion and frustration. This is what you want from them, because the more your kids are able to express their frustrations, the less they'll have to act them out in destructive ways.

And that, in turn, will give you even more confidence.

And remember to take care,

Hal