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It is Working So Far!Hal, you're a genius. Yeah, yeah. I know. You hear it all the time. My daughter is barely two years old. For some reason I assumed that most of the ScreamFree principles were only effective for parents of children who are "older". But yesterday I applied one of your principles to a situation in which I would have been at best rigid and authoritarian and at worst, emotionally reactive. Without exaggeration, I was amazed out how it worked!
Earlier in the day I had finally set up a hammock my wife had brought back from Honduras over two years ago. My little girl "helped" me set it up and we swung in it a little before dinner. After dinner the three of us had to run errands. As we were leaving the house my little girl remembered the hammock and started pointing and giggling in anticipation. Those giggles soon turned to angry screams as I buckled her into the car seat. She was still at full volume as we backed out of the driveway. I started to do the ol' "this is the way it's got to be...the sooner you accept it the better" routine, which usually just makes her madder. Instead, in a moment of clarity, I simply turned around and asked, "Did you want to swing in the hammock?" "Yes!" she cried. She stopped a bit and opened her eyes, still crying of course. I asked it one more time as she calmed down. I said, "I want to swing in the hammock, too. I wish we both could just swing in the hammock all evening but we have to run errands".
The change was astonishing!! I went on a bit more but you get the picture. That approach immediately pacified her. Instead of me being the one keeping her from having fun, she (at only 2 years old!) understood that circumstances was the reason, not her daddy.
I still can't believe it. I was smiling all the way to Wal-mart! Thanks for your help with my parenting. I owe you big time.
Den
Den,
You're the genius here. Your ability to pause, in the midst of the chaos, and connect with your daughter's real desire is quite impressive. That's what I call a strong ScreamFree muscle! And that's the best metaphor I can come up with--becoming ScreamFree is like building a muscle. In order to find the "strength" to pause in the heat of the moment, to stay both calm and connected while your child is driving you nuts, that muscle needs plenty of exercise and rest during the non "heat of the moment" times.
It seems you've been exercising and resting that ScreamFree muscle well, my friend. And what's great is that everytime you're able to use it when you really need it, it becomes that much stronger.
Take care (and keep growing), Hal
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