AskHal

How can I get ready for my child's return to school and avoid losing my mind?

1. Use the fresh start to begin some new routines, but don't go overboard. Some parents use the start of the new school year as a way to seemingly correct every mistake they've ever made, setting up unrealistic expectations for everyone. "This year's going to be different! This year we will have a rule that everyone must get up on their own without complaining, make their bed and get dressed (without complaining), and brush their teeth (without complaining) before coming downstairs for breakfast. Instead talk calmly about the new year and the possibilities for a fresh start. Invite your kids' feedback about some new routines they would like to start (I guarantee their answers will surprise you). And most importantly, outline some new routines for yourself and make them known to your kids (getting up earlier, only offering one reminder about the time, etc.). That way they will hold you accountable as well.

2. Let your kids drive the homework boat. Students are never more inspired to sharpen their academic focus than at the start of a new year. This is mainly because the clean slate means they're not having to make up for any bad grades or uncompleted assignments. The quickest way to dampen this natural new enthusiasm is automatically assume the opposite. If we assume that the clean slate is going to make our kids more lax than usual, and we let our anxiety about this lead us, then we'll jump out of the gate with a renewed focus to help our kids focus. And it won't be long before we're in the dreaded pattern of hovering and haranguing over homework. Instead, allow your kids to drive. Give them some wide parameters about homework scheduling and allow them to find their best groove. This means letting them know the times they cannot do their homework (after 9pm for instance) instead of telling them the times they have to do it (right after school, or there's no play time!). The thing to always remind ourselves is that their homework is theirs, and learning the responsibility of doing it (and tasting the consequences of not doing it) is as valuable as the content of the work itself.

3. Remember the first word in “extra-curricular” is “extra.” No parenting trend seems more stereotypical these days than the push to overschedule. We all recognize it in those families that are always, always on their way to another kids’ activity. But it’s usually difficult to recognize in ourselves. My wife recalls a time that our daughter, in her nightly prayers, once thanked God for “the car that we live in.” Studies repeatedly show that children learn more through play and relaxed social interaction than they do through formal team events and structured activities. The structure our children need most, especially when 8 hours of their day is already structured in school, is a balanced extra- curricular life. This means time for play, time for structured activities, time for homework, time for vegging in front of the TV, time for relaxed meals, time for household chores, time for sleep.

And remember to take care,

Hal