AskHal

I also have a 7 year old boy that has this problem. We tried offering a reward to him if he gave it up but he choose the thumb. Any help on this subject would be greatly appreciated.

Ahh, the thumb-sucking dilemma. One thing to remember (and this will probably disappoint anyone looking for the end-all recipe) is that the more anxiety you devote to the thumb-sucking, the longer it will continue. This is because your efforts to change him will only redouble his efforts to remain in control of himself.

Now, maybe you've heard from the dentist that your child needs to stop, or maybe you've been preached at from one of your parents that it's a direct reflection on your poor parenting. All of this makes it that much harder to calm your anxiety about it! But calming your anxiety about the issue is the best course to take because it frees your child's thumb-sucking to be his/her problem, not yours. Think about this--what experiences do you think he would go through if his sucking continued. What would motivate him to stop that behavior on his own, without your intervention? Social pressure, pressure from his dentist? Removing your intervention lets him taste those experiences.

So listen to your gut about it. What are you most anxious about--ruining his teeth, embarrassing himself in public, embarrassing you around your friends or relatives? Try to focus more on calming those fears and less on stopping his/her behavior. One of my gurus, Edwin Friedman, reminds us that "The hardest habit to break is breaking the habits of others." Focus on stopping your habit of worrying about it, and I guarantee you'll be amazed at the results.

Take care,

Hal