People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one.
-Leo J. Burke

Sleep is just weird. The idea that for a full third of our entire lives our bodies and minds just check out has fascinated humanity forever. Even today, with our amazing scientific sophistication, we know less about sleep than almost any other natural daily function. It seems new studies about the amount we need emerge annually, with new findings and the latest recommendations.

And few areas of human functioning seem to confound parents more than sleep. Think about it. As new parents, we literally beg for our baby to get to sleep and stay asleep, just so we can get some more sleep of our own. “Please, just stay asleep for 30 more minutes!” Of course, by the time the kids are teenagers, our pleas are just the opposite. “Please get out of bed, we have to leave in 30 minutes!”

But all sleep is not equal. Fixation with the amount of sleep neglects to consider the quality of that sleep. Just one glance at the current mattress wars tells us so. From number settings to memory foam, new promises of that peaceful and rest-filled sleep crowd our airwaves and billboards. And that’s what we all really crave. We all long for that restful feeling, that “at peace” feeling that sometimes comes after a good night’s sleep. We long for a sense of calm, both within us and around us, that can help us embrace each day (especially mornings with your teenager) and face each night (especially getting your toddler to bed early).

But the fact is that many of never feel “at peace,” no matter how weightless we feel on our mattress, no matter how many hours of sleep we get. That’s because being asleep and being at rest are not the same thing. And being at rest has less to do with hours and individually wrapped springs than we think.

Two Stories About Sleep

At this point in the article, at the risk of offending many of you, I am going to examine a couple of Bible stories. I certainly do not intend to offend anyone, and I hope that everyone, regardless of faith background, can find wisdom through the telling of these ancient stories. Both of these stories tell tales of a Middle Eastern man, fast asleep, in the bottom of a boat. And in both these stories, the boat is not floating on still waters, but is rather surrounded by a thunderous storm crashing waves on all its sides. Yet both still managed to sleep. These men were not alone on their respective boats, and so they shared one more similarity: panicked and angry shipmates. Two men, in the hulls of their boats, with waves crashing around them and anxious shipmates above them, fast asleep.

But that is where their similarities end.

In this section of our newsletter, we have Hal answer a direct question asked by one of our ScreamFree Parents. Today's question addresses whether or not ScreamFree is a Christian ministry, and how that might affect both religious and non- religious parents.

Dear Hal, I HAVE HEARD YOU SPEAK BEFORE AND MY QUESTION TO YOU IS THIS: I understand you are a Christian and in reading your articles and the opportunity you have in sharing your message to the vast audience you have currently established, how are you fulfilling the Great Commission? I AM NOT QUESTIONING WHETHER YOU ARE QUESTIONING ARE OR ARE NOT FULFILLING THE GREAT COMMISSION. I am more asking how, because first and foremost as Christians that is our responsibility. And with what has been given to you through the message you are sharing, good scripture referencing and discipleship could be a great benefit and blessing. BEING A SCREAMFREE PARENT IS NOT ABOUT BEING NICE to our children but about exhibiting Christlike behaviors of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness and self-control (Gal 5:22-23). There seems to be some desperate parents who could use Christlike direction in conjunction with your ideas. Thank for taking the time to respond. I am looking forward to your reply.

Sincerely,
Amy

Just this past week I was delivering a seminar to a MOPS group (Mothers Of PreSchoolers) gathered at a local church. MOPS is a Christian organization designed to encourage and inspire mothers with young children. We have been blessed to speak to over 40 MOPS groups across the nation this past year; and we’ve found these moms to be among our most receptive and supportive audiences.

Well, during this presentation last week, I was approached by one participant with a question I hear quite often: “Hal, are you a Christian?” Her question was not unlike yours, Amy, and since I hear it quite often, I thought I’d take this chance to respond. I’ll begin by giving the same response I gave to the curious mom last week:

Why do you want to know?

Whenever I am asked about my faith background, I know that there is an agenda behind the question. This doesn’t mean it’s a “bad” agenda, but I know the question does not arise out of pure, objective curiosity. There is no such thing when discussing religion. And if I do not know the person asking the question, I cannot truly know the agenda behind it.

The truth is that I do consider myself a disciple, a student-follower, of Jesus. I used to claim this in a much more explicit way, teaching and even preaching in formal church settings. I even have to my credit two Christian seminary degrees, completing six years of theological education before I started my training as a therapist. I used to teach in the Bible education department at a private Christian high school, the same school where my wife has taught English for the past five years, the same school my kids attend. The article in this week’s newsletter is actually a sermon I recently delivered to an evangelical church.

But with all of that stated, I hesitate to call myself a “Christian.” This has little to do with the actual term (it was one of the terms applied to the early church by itself and its enemies in the first century). And my hesitancy has little to do with any embarrassment about being associated with Jesus (but don’t quote me on that—he knows me better than I do). I think my objection has more to do with the limiting, and associative, powers of labels. Anyone who’s read ScreamFree Parenting knows of my strong objection to labeling our kids. Labels are inherently limiting because they necessarily do two things—control the person labeled by the person doing the labeling, and associate the person labeled with whoever else received the same label. And if I don’t know the person wanting to label me “Christian,” then I don’t know what box they would like to squeeze me into, nor who else they put in that box.

The truth is that the Christian world has been debating who’s in and who’s out from the very beginning. And, at times, this debate has turned to the worst kinds of bigoted violence, all in the name of Jesus. And I want no association with that. I also want no association with self-righteous paid religious broadcasting, or cult-like separatists burning Harry Potter books. Or the Baptist church in Kentucky that was recently the focus of a new law barricading protestors from getting too close to funeral services. Turns out a group of “Christian” folks were taking a stand against homosexuality by marching on every funeral of an AIDS patient with signs like “God Hates Fags.”

There are many I would love to be associated with, and many of them do call themselves “Christian.” Bono, and his efforts to save Africa, certainly comes to mind. The folks at World Vision as well, for many of the same reasons. But I would never intentionally associate myself with such figures, for their efforts most definitely shame my own.

CLICK HERE TO READ THE REST OF HAL'S REPLY...

Take care,
Hal

Do you have a Parenting question for Hal, the author and creator of ScreamFree Parenting? Contact Us Directly. We will answer a limited number of questions in upcoming newsletters.

Please note that we also cannot respond to all questions and can not always evaluate your specific challenge. If you want further feedback on your individual situation, we encourage you to explore Relationship Coaching with Hal or any of our team members. You can get a f!ree 20 minute evaluation of your situation to determine if coaching is right for you by contacting us here.

You can also share your questions or parenting issues in the ScreamFree Parenting Forum. Here you can interact with other parents on the ScreamFree Journey and share your questions and successes. Visit the ScreamFree Parenting Forum today and discuss parenting issues with parents all over the country. We post many AskHal questions in the forum, and they make for interesting and engaging forum topics.