By Hal E. Runkel, LMFT

“My dad never pushed me into golf. He never told me to go practice; he never even asked me to play. It was always me wanting to play with him.” -Tiger Woods

If you’re watching golf this weekend, like I will be, look out for the new Tiger Woods commercial. It’s a collage of various footage and photographs from Tiger’s childhood, all showcasing his close relationship with his father, Earl Woods. You can view a version of it here.

Nike had actually begun working on the commercial a while ago, planning it as a tribute to fathers during the U.S. Open, which always concludes on Fathers’ Day. Little did they know how meaningful the tribute would become—Earl Woods passed away on May 3. The ex-Green Beret finally succumbed to his battle with prostate cancer. He was 74.

Many may find this surprising, but I am a huge fan of the elder Woods. Those surprised by this have a difficult time reconciling my strong views about parents who focus their whole lives around their kids and a man who seemed to do just that. These folks may see Earl’s numerous proclamations about his son’s future greatness, or hear about Earl quitting his job in order to help Tiger pursue his junior golf career, and find it easy to lump Mr. Woods into that painful stereotype of the Sports Dad.

You know the type of Sports Dad I’m talking about? The completely fanatic dad who left his own life a long time ago, choosing to completely focus on creating the perfect prodigy. The dad whose entire existence and validation seems tied to whether his son or daughter makes the all-star squad. This is the one who frets about what pro scouts are thinking (even when his kid is only seven).

But Earl Woods was no such Sports Dad. He cannot be lumped into the same group with the insufferable (and now estranged) fathers of tennis pros Mary Pierce and Jennifer Capriati, golfer Sean O’Hair, or gymnast Dominique Moceanu. Yes, he viewed his son as special, even at a very young age. Yes, he eventually quit his job to help his son’s advancement as an athlete. And yes, he admits that Tiger never once had a babysitter; he and his Thai wife, Kultida, took their son with them everywhere.

But in raising a precocious prodigy toward unparalleled success in golf and in life, Earl Woods was decidedly different.

In this section of our newsletter, we have Hal answer a direct question asked by one of our ScreamFree Parents. Today's question concerns a child diagnosed with Reactive Attachment Disorder.

Hal,
I'm curious if you have ever worked with a child who has reactive attachment disorder...if so, what have you seen that works?
Thanks,
Steve

Steve,

I appreciate the question because it allows me to address some larger issues. I'm guessing you are having some personal experience with this diagnosis so after addressing RAD in general, I'll address the more personal side of the issue.

Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) is sometimes referred to as Attachment Disorder or Detachment Disorder, and it is a label applied to a group of symptoms including:

• marked inability to form close relationships
• intense need for physical and emotional privacy
• strong distrust of parents coupled with overfriendliness with strangers
• emotional outbursts with little empathy for those affected

Now reading this may alarm many folks--"that sounds just like my kid!!" But before everyone starts self-diagnosing their youngster, let's look at a few diagnostic factors. Usually children that receive this diagnosis are those who have been abused early on or shuffled between several houses and primary caregivers from the beginning of their lives.

Also, it's important to remember the nature of psychological/behavioral diagnostics. Despite amazing amounts of research, diagnosis is not an exact science. Far from it. A diagnosis like RAD is simply an attempt to help explain an otherwise unexplainable common set of behaviors. Nothing more. And what a diagnosis in the psychiatric world does is govern and direct the medication prescriptions. So never forget that behind every diagnosis is a consortium of occupations who, less than ideally, depend on such diagnoses for their existence. I’m not crying out “conspiracy!” here, I’m just putting forth my strong skepticism about the exactness of any diagnosis. You can see what else I’ve written about this topic here.

CONTINUE READING THIS REPLY...

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Do you have a Parenting question for Hal, the author and creator of ScreamFree Parenting? Contact Us Directly. We will answer a limited number of questions in upcoming newsletters.

Please note that we also cannot respond to all questions and can not always evaluate your specific challenge. If you want further feedback on your individual situation, we encourage you to explore Relationship Coaching with Hal or any of our team members. You can get a f!ree 20 minute evaluation of your situation to determine if coaching is right for you by contacting us here.

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