by Hal E. Runkel, LMFT

...and the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace,
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes...

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones,
And I will try to fix you...

-Coldplay, "Fix You", from their new album, X&Y

So when does it get easier?" is a question I receive quite often. A courageous parent has started their journey toward creating calm within, toward becoming ScreamFree, and in the midst of his/her struggles begins to wonder, "When does it get easier?"

My answer to such a question is usually the same every time: it will and it won't. It will get easier as you begin to learn more about yourself. As your focus shifts off your kids and onto yourself, you begin to learn your reactive tendencies, you begin to learn what thoughts help you remain cool. You begin to learn what it takes for you to become both calm and connected at the same time. In this regard, the ScreamFree journey becomes easier.

It also becomes easier as you stop trying to direct your kids' thoughts, feelings, and behavior, and start to direct your own. A parent came up to me after a seminar recently, stating that he was "steaming mad" at me. He had read the book and was frustrated that I had inspired him to focus on self-control. He was angry because he had always found that task incredibly hard. "Is it easier than trying to control your son?" I asked. "Well," he responded, "I guess not since that's why I started reading your book in the first place." Exactly.

In this section of our newsletter, we have Hal answer a direct question asked by one of our ScreamFree Parents. Today's question concerns the issue of kids questioning their parents' religious faith.

Our two children - one is 8, the other 10 - have questioned everything of late. They won't even go to church with us. I don't want to force religion on them but I feel they're missing out. How should I proceed?

You actually sound less anxious than most parents facing this dilemma. Some anxiously religious parents simply cannot handle questions from their kids. They view such questions as nothing less than threats to the family's way of life, so they redouble their efforts to get their children to believe (or at least attend without a fuss).

The best thing parents can do is pursue their own spiritual growth and worry less about their child's. Only then can parents become a sought-after resource for their children as they struggle with faith, doubt, and questioning all of existence.

And that should be the goal: becoming a trusted guide through the struggles of life, one who allows, even encourages questioning and experimentation within certain boundaries. So applaud your kids' doubts and genuinely listen and try to learn from them as separate travelers on the earth. Showing them that respect, while calmly pursuing your own growth, will blow them away.

Best wishes on your family faith journey.

Do you have a Parenting question for Hal, the author and creator of ScreamFree Parenting? Contact Us Directly. We will answer a limited number of questions in upcoming newsletters.

Please note that we cannot answer all questions, so we encourage you to present your questions or parenting issues in the ScreamFree Parenting Forum. Here you can interact with other parents on the ScreamFree Journey and share your questions and successes. Visit the ScreamFree Parenting Forum today and discuss parenting issues with parents all over the country.