By Jenny Runkel

I hate the Christmas season. Ok, maybe hate is too strong a word. Being an English teacher, I have to be careful with words; they often come back to haunt me in one way or another. I should put more thought into this. Which word really pinpoints my feelings about Christmas? Bitterness? Melancholy? Cynicism? Dread? Hmm...that has a nice ring to it. Yes, I think that just might be it. I dread Christmas.

Like my students dread report card day, I dread “the most wonderful time of the year.” I should be traipsing around town spreading cheer and drinking Peppermint Lattes, but I just can’t. To tell you the truth, I feel more like curling up into the fetal position and trying to sleep my way through the craziness. There is just something panic-inducing about the month of December. I have never sat down to try and outline what makes me so anxious whenever I hear Bing Crosby dreaming of a White Christmas, but with another yuletide quickly approaching, it’s high time I did just that.

Maybe it’s the catalogs that arrive before I’ve even finished sneaking the KitKats out of my kids’ Halloween bags. Those things are relentless. The catalogs, I mean. They clog my mailbox daily, promising lifetime guarantees on “gift solutions that make life easier.” Let’s think about that for a moment. Does a chocolate fondue fountain really make my life easier? What about a hand-held gnome that repeats phrases you give it in a “gnome accent?" You know what would really make my life easier? Not getting any more catalogs!

Maybe it’s the supermarkets. I went to the grocery store on November 1st this year to do my weekly shopping. I expected the Halloween candy to be on sale and I knew Thanksgiving trimmings would greet me at the door—stacks of cranberry sauce, perhaps even rows of Indian corn. What I didn’t expect was to be hit in the face by Christmas. Literally. A gigantic inflatable Santa smacked me in the head just as I walked down the greeting card aisle. On November 1st! The clerk hauling Jolly St. Nick to his appointed spot apologized profusely, saying that she didn’t see me around the corner, but I know better. I saw the look on Santa’s face as they headed down aisle 14 to meet up with the candy canes. He was definitely smirking.

Maybe it’s the magazines lining the checkout counters. While I’m wrestling my kids away from the Skittles (and remembering that one of them hasn’t had a dentist appointment in ages), I’m faced with photos of darling children in precious Christmas sweaters making their own ornaments and baking cookies while Mom is scrapbooking the moment as it happens. AUGH!!!!

And then it hits me. I don’t really dread Christmas itself. It’s the pressure of the Holidays that make me woozy. All the glitz and glitter that the stores and commercials try to sell us has left me feeling empty and small. Real holidays, at least the holidays I’ve experienced, usually involve hurt feelings and awkward conversations. The catalogs, stores, and magazines don’t show you that side of things. They show the plastic side of Christmas.

No, it’s not the decorations or shopping that make me crazy, it’s the expectations that I’ve attached to those things. I’ve been listening to my inner “Should” without even recognizing it.

In this section of our newsletter, we have Hal answer a direct question asked by one of our ScreamFree Parents. Today's question comes from the author of our article above, who happens to be Hal's wife, Jenny.

OK, Mr. ScreamFree Parenting, why don't you give us some real, practical advice on how to have a ScreamFree December? And remember, I'll be watching to see how well you follow your own advice over the next couple of weeks.
Your Loving Wife

Okay, honey, that's enough time at the keyboard for you. But I know your question echoes the thoughts of many folks out there, so I'll offer a few suggestions here. Ten, to be exact. But don't hold me to all of them--I'll pick and choose just like everyone else, and I won't do any of them perfectly. But you already knew that, I'm sure.

1. Intentionally sweat. Find a way to sweat on purpose every day. Yes, this probably involves exercise. It may just involve talking with Aunt Minerva. Do it, whatever it takes. And then shower. If you don’t, then you’re missing a wonderful mini-retreat (without kids or relatives!). Come back to the craziness smelling good and feeling fresh.

2. Slow down. Curtis Strange says this about Tiger Woods: “When everything around him gets crazy, and when he starts to underperform, he slows everything down. He slows his swing, his speech, and even his walk. The rest of us do just the opposite.” Seems to work for Tiger.

3. Make lists. I know, it sounds like a therapy exercise, but it works. Make a list of the holiday activities that mean the most to you. Include favorite traditions and foods. Rank the activities by importance.

4. Discuss everyone’s expectations. In a family meeting, plan events so that every person gets to include at least one favorite activity during the season. Cross out items that aren’t possible. Explain “why” to children. Negotiate and compromise until the family is happy with the results.

5. Decide who will help with each activity. If only one person does it, consider getting rid of that activity. The family must share the work of the holidays to appreciate the closeness of the season. Getting ready for Christmas is the best part. It is not a time to work alone on anything, except secret gifts. Children need the experience of being part of the celebration, not just the recipients or by-standers.

6. Space out. Don’t over-do the togetherness thing. Adults need time together without children. Children need time without adults. Everyone needs time to be alone, even during the holidays. Especially during the holidays.

7. Think about what you are doing. Ask yourself, “Why am I doing this?” If you like the answer, keep doing it. If not, stop before resentment and anger take over.

8. Do less. (and enjoy more). Do the things that are most important and let other things go. Lower standards for housework if necessary. Ask yourself, “What will happen if I don’t get this done?” If the answer is nothing, don’t do it.

9. Put it off. If you can live with the results of not doing it, whatever it is, put it off for a while. With housework, for instance, you’ll always get another chance.

10. Enjoy. A stressed-out parent creates a stressed-out home. A happy, relaxed parent creates a much better atmosphere for children. Joy is contagious.

11. Whenever possible, pursue your spouse with sexual advances. Just making sure you're still paying attention, honey.

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