In this section of our newsletter, we share a
success story from a mom who has
discovered for herself that ScreamFree really does
work, even in the most chaotic of situations.
Dear Hal,
I have to admit that when I first heard
about ScreamFree Parenting from a friend, I was
skeptical. I have read tons of parenting books and
none of them really made any lasting difference, but I
picked up a copy of
your book to see what my friend kept raving about.
After reading it this weekend and actually trying out
one of the principles, I
wanted to send a "thank you". ScreamFree
actually
made a huge difference with me and my kids today. I
must say it really works.
I'm the carpool mom for my two girls and two other
neighborhood kids, all under the age of 9. They are all
great kids, but sometimes they bicker and drag their
feet so much that I end up frazzled even before my day
has really begun. I know I've said or done things that I
really regret in an
effort to get them to hurry up or quiet down.
This morning, we were rushed as usual, and my 9
year old
daughter, Jasie, announced to
everyone as we were pulling out of the driveway that
her seat, because of its location in the
car, was making her nauseous. (She said
the seat behind the driver, “leans to the left so the
turns are tougher” Thanks a lot!) She took off her
seatbelt and demanded that her friend Sara switch
seats
with her.
I started to think of threatening her and raising my
voice, but as I turned my head to bark out a ridiculous
threat,
something dawned on me. So often in these tense
situations, I was the one acting like the
kid when they acted up. Like you in the Waffle
House story (so, funny!), I was making things worse!
So, I paused and took a deep
breath.
I gave Jasie a choice. I told her that she could either
strap up at that very moment, or I could pull over and
wait for her to do it. I think I was really
hoping deep down that she
would immediately just pick “my choice”, but instead,
my daughter crossed her arms and said, “Ok. I still
want
Sara’s seat, because otherwise I might throw up.”
Part of me felt like laughing and the other felt like
yelling, but I didn’t do either. I just pulled the car over,
turned off the ignition, and told her and her friend to
work it out.
The kids were stunned and sat in silence for a
moment, then they began to hash things out. At first, it
was
really hard to stay calm and not say something,
anything, to get Jasie to cooperate one way or the
other. My hands were on the steering wheel
with “white knuckles” as the anxiety shot through me
about how I could be perceived as a bad parent, how
the school might respond, how my husband might
respond to me "blowing" this discipline event in the
car.
It took what seemed like an eternity of patience, and
calm. Finally, after the
other kids coaxing her along and me not saying a
word for the whole time, my daughter let
out a huge sigh, sat down in her own seat, and
strapped the seatbelt on. I
started the car and we made our way to school.
Thankfully, the traffic gods were also ScreamFree that
day, and we got there with a few minutes to spare. My
daughter was in a remarkably better mood and since I
kept my cool, so
was I. Normally, I would have either yelled at her or
caved in to her ridiculous request just to keep the
peace, but this time, I actually stayed
calm and acted like a grown up. Driving away from
school, I let out this big cheer of joy as I felt really good
about the interaction, and my future as a ScreamFree
parent.
After today, I'm definitely a believer. Now
I'm the one telling
all my friends about you.
Thanks Hal.
A new ScreamFree Mom in Maryland.
Bravo Maryland Mom! Sounds like you handled
yourself like a seasoned pro. You were able to
rise "above the fray" and see the moment for what it
was, a chance to flex your ScreamFree muscle. By
calmly giving your daughter options and respecting
the one she chose, you
showed all the kids that you are strong and
calm no
matter what. As adults, we respect leaders who don't
get flustered under pressure; our kids are no
different. They actually want to see that we can
withstand their tempests. It makes us a safe haven in
times of a real storm.
Kudos from the ScreamFree Team!
ScreamFree Living has helped thousands of families
just like this one. We hear lots of feedback about how
it’s making a difference in families everywhere. We
know there are thousands more of you living out the
ScreamFree message in your own ways and we’d
love to hear from you. Your ability to pause
allows you to tap into the creativity that is uniquely
yours. Please send in your
ScreamFree success stories If we publish your
story, you will receive a free copy of the ScreamFree Parenting
Complete DVD set.Note: Names were changed in
this letter which was
edited for length.
Do you want to see more success stories or other tips
and hints from real parents who are implementing
ScreamFree every day? Visit the ScreamFree
Forums,
and read a story or share a story with other like-
minded parents.
