By Jenny Runkel

I am convinced that moving is one of the most miserable experiences in life. Anyone who tells you differently is lying. It's been several years since we last uprooted, and I had forgotten how horribly stressful it is. Apparently, I had a bad case of moving amnesia because I agreed to this heinous act recently. What's worse is that we scheduled it to occur during the last week of school. You know, life really isn't complicated enough that week with all of the class parties, weddings, and graduations to attend. I thought we could use a little more chaos to spice things up a bit.

The week leading up to the big event was a blur. The phone would ring and I couldn't find it. We ate takeout on the tops of boxes more nights than I can count and I actually sent my son Brandon to the last day of school with his teacher's gift wrapped in UHaul paper. The kids thought it was all pretty cool. After all, it's not every day that you get to build a gigantic fortress with refrigerator boxes in your dining room and then brush your teeth with your finger since Mom can't find your toothbrush.

We moved into our new house the same day school let out. My children, who were so used to a life filled with structure, suddenly found themselves with nothing but free time on their hands and parents who were totally engrossed in the task of changing houses. They helped unpack at first, but soon the novelty of the move wore off. They started to get restless and whiny. All they wanted to do was vegetate in front of the new TV, so I gave in. I turned them loose on their DVDs and video games and, for a while, they were happy little clams. I had so much to do and it was just easier to get more accomplished if they were occupied and out of my hair. So, rather than expect them to pitch in and help me out, I gave them what they wanted. This way, they'd be happy and I could get back to work; however, as the week progressed, things were not really getting any better. In fact, they were starting to get worse.

Each week, we choose a question submitted by those of you out there in the trenches who are trying to be ScreamFree in all sorts of circumstances. This week's question deals with a teen who thinks she knows it all. Read on to see what Hal has to say to the parent of this testy teen.

Hi Hal,

I can't seem to get through to my 14 year old daughter. Every time I try to have a meaningful conversation with her, she won't even look at me. She thinks that I have nothing valuable to say. How can I improve our relationship?

First of all, let me ask you a question. What do you really want? You mention wanting to "get through" to your daughter and you also mention wanting to improve your relationship. Maybe those two things are really at odds with each other. Many times when we parents say we want to get through to our kids, what we really mean is that we want them to see the world the same way that we do. That's a dangerous path to take.

Improving your relationship is a whole other ball game. There is one small thing you can remember to help you grow closer in the conversations you have with your teen: eye contact is overrated. It is far too intimidating for most adults, much less teenagers. Engage your teen in an activity, any activity, and go from there. Play a board game; go see a show; share a midnight banana split. Talk to her while you do these things and don't worry if she's not looking your way. She's hearing every word you say. That's the easy part. Now take a look at what's being said in these conversations. When's the last time you had an "agenda-free" talk with your teen? When's the last time you just talked about nothing in particular. You didn't teach, coerce, lecture, or cajole. You didn't look for warning signs or red flags. You didn't have a life lesson or safety talk prepared. What's that? It's been awhile?

Most of us have a tendency to steer the conversations we have with our teens far too much because we are operating out of fear instead of respect. Try talking to them as the adults you want them to become. More often than not, these conversations go a very long way with teens. Your daughter may not let you in at first, but keep trying. And don't forget to check your agenda at the door.

Remember to Take Care,
Hal

We'd love to hear from you. Please send us your question. Chances are, if you're struggling with something, others are too. Let Hal and the ScreamFree team help you calm the world, starting with your own family.

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One of Hal's college roommates and closest friends from his days at the University of Texas is Owen Egerton. Owen is an extremely talented humorist, writer, and comedian in Austin's literary scene who is in Atlanta this week on the East coast leg of his national book tour.

He is in town promoting his latest book How Best to Avoid Dying, which Dalton Publishing calls "a wildly surprising, darkly comic, and often heart- wrenching ride into the terrible beauty of life's end." You can listen to him read from his work at 7:30 Wednesday night at Indie Coffee and Books in Decatur and participate in a rousing Q and A session afterward.

Publishers are touting How Best to Avoid Dying as a "devilishly clever collection of short fiction that brilliantly explores the pain and wonders of life with razor wit and compassionate insight." Come out to Indie Coffee and Books to see a man Hal calls, "the funniest leprechaun I know."

Visit Owen's informational site at www.owenegerton.co m where you can learn more about this rising literary talent and buy the book. If you are in the Atlanta area, come out to see Owen in Decatur Wednesday Night. You just may find another author you like in the audience. :)