By Hal Runkel

I cannot really imagine being a single parent. Yes, I've counseled with hundreds of them, spoken to hundreds more. And yes, I've experienced countless moments of "doing it on my own" with my two kids when my wife was out, or out of town. And yes, unfortunately, I was raised by two single parents after my parents divorced when I was eleven.

But even with those experiences, I do not really know what it's like to be a single parent. I am nowhere near being able to accurately empathize with those moms and dads struggling to do it on their own night after night. Whether by death or divorce, or whether you're the custodial or visitational parent, being a single parent carries with it a unique experiential perspective that cannot be fully understood unless you are one.

But rather than extend those of you single parents a little sympathy, I would rather thank you for what I'm learning from you.

I think we all can. And here's what I'm learning so far:

Every parent is a single parent.

One of the things that plagues married parents is the continual negotiation of "who does what" with the kids. I believe a large part of this can be avoided by one simple step-operate as if you're the only parent around. I know this goes against so much common wisdom about "teamwork" and "united fronts", but operating this way really has revolutionized my relationships with my children. Here's why:

You may remember the letter a few weeks ago from a conscientious mom of triplets who kept getting "pushed past her point" by her children. She wrote a touching letter that showed her frustration at doing things the same way her own parents did. We loved her sincere heart and open mind and we tried to help with some ScreamFree words of wisdom. If you missed that letter, click here to read it and our response to it. Then read an update on this mom that is sure to make you smile and encourage you on your ScreamFree journey.

Jenny,

Just a quick note to let you know how different things are in our house now. We feel a lot more "in control as the parents". The girls respond to us in a calmer manner and we have significantly fewer melt-downs.

Most importantly, when we all go to bed at night we all feel like a more peaceful, cohesive family that works together. My husband and I cannot thank you and Hal enough. "Calming things down" was the missing link for us.

Gratefully Yours,

A Calmer Mom of Triplets

Dear Calmer Mom,

Thank you so much for giving us an update of you and your family. We are in no way surprised to hear of how well you are doing. We firmly believe that everyone has the potential within themselves to be the parent that they've always wanted to be and to create the kind of home they've always wanted.

Parenting is never easy, but it can be more satisfying and rewarding than we ever thought possible. We just need to remember our kids can only push our buttons if we hand them our remotes.

Want to read all of Hal's past "Ask Hal" replies? Check out the Ask Hal Archives Page for the ScreamFree approach to your common parenting and relationship issues.

Do you have a Parenting question for Hal, the author and creator of ScreamFree Parenting? Email Us Directly at AskHal@ScreamFree.com. We will answer a limited number of questions in upcoming newsletters.

Unfortunately, we cannot respond to all questions. If you want further feedback on your individual situation, we encourage you to explore Relationship Coaching with Hal. You can get a f!ree 20 minute evaluation of your situation to determine if coaching is right for you by contacting us here.

You can also share your questions or parenting issues in the ScreamFree Parenting Forum. Here you can interact with other parents on the ScreamFree Journey and share your questions and successes. Visit the ScreamFree Parenting Forum today and discuss parenting issues with parents all over the country.