The ScreamFree Living Quiz

Are you prone to react, or can you find the calm you need to respond? Take this quiz to see your typical parenting style.

1. It’s Saturday mid-morning, your 4-year-old son has been using you for a jungle gym since 6:30 am, and his clinging and whining are beginning to "push your buttons." In response, you: A thank God for coffee and pacify him with candy, TV, or anything else so he’ll leave you alone. B raise your voice and bark, "Aaargh! Why can’t you just go and play quietly like your sister!!!" C hide in the bathroom for the rest of the morning, hoping he’ll stop banging on the door and start bugging your spouse. D realize that the only buttons he can push are the ones you’ve given him. Take back control of your buttons, calm yourself down, and offer him the following choice: he can go play somewhere else for an hour or he can spend that hour in his room.

2. You’ve been in the car for 3 hours and you have 4 more to go. Your kids, 10 and 8, have been fighting for the last 30 miles and now their volume level has reached that of a small plane. In response, you: A promise that if they can just get along until the next town, you’ll find a Walmart to buy them new GameBoy cartridges; B shout the phrase you promised yourself you’d never say – "If I have to pull this car over, you’ll be sorry!!!" — and then pray you won’t have to; C ignore, ignore, and ignore some more, quietly building your resentment while turning up the stereo; or D pull the car off the road, place it in park, and sit quietly until they quiet down. Then, without a shred of anger, you explain that every time they fight, you’ll do the same thing.

3. Your teenaged son casually remarks that he is "probably going to flunk English class because his teacher hates him" and thereby be forced to sit out his senior season of varsity basketball. In response, you: A plead with him to work up to his enormous potential, hoping that the lure of a new DVD will help him find his inward motivation to succeed; B fly off the handle and threaten to cut off his moppy hair and take away all of his privileges – including the use of the car, phone, TV, computer, and PS2 – if he doesn’t turn things around immediately; C get on the phone to a conference with his coach, teacher and principal to see if there’s anything that can be done to avoid this hurtful consequence; or D remark with genuine compassion, "Wow, that stinks. How hard is it going to be for you to bring up the grade? Let me know if I can help."

4. Your infant and toddler are tired and cranky. You are at the third store in an attempt to run errands and the two year old has finally had enough. After knocking down a whole display of canned corn, she grabs your cell phone from your hand and whacks the baby – on purpose. In response, you: A smile with embarrassment to the onlookers and offer your toddler some more cheerios, whispering to her that if she’s good, you’ll buy her some popsicles; B grit your teeth and snarl a warning that when she gets home, she’ll be sorry for making such a scene; C throw your hands up in the air and roll your eyes while snatching the phone from the toddler and bopping her with it, so she can see what it feels like; or D you don’t force tired and cranky children to run errands. You hired a neighborhood girl for the hour and are now enjoying a latte before you return home.

Score:     Register now for one of our ScreamFree Parenting seminars, or sign up for personal coaching from Hal Edward Runkel, a licensed family therapist and the author of the ScreamFree vision for relationships.