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Talking to Your Kids About the Horror in Haiti
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
By: Hal Runkel
How you can help your kids navigate this tragedy in the best possible way.
These are
tough times, obviously. The distressing news about the suffering in Haiti is
everywhere, 24 hours a day, in every mass media available. While incredibly
informative, all this attention can also become overwhelming. Especially for
our kids. While they may not be completely in tune with this tragedy, they are
not immune to its impact. It is highly probable that your kids have caught
glimpses of incomprehensible horror this past week, from open wounds to mass
graves. It is also likely they’ve heard a few stories of improbable rescues and
newly orphaned children.
Wondering
how to handle all of this in a responsible way in your home? Searching for the
right balance of protection and exposure, both for your kids and yourself?
Well, so am I. Right after Katrina, my wife Jenny wrote about this very topic
(you can read it here). She articulated some insights that I still find
incredibly helpful, insights that can turn tragedy into meaning, heartbreaking
situations into profound maturity. Here I’ll just add some practical guidelines
you can start using tonight, regardless of the ages of your children.
Toddlers
to Pre-K
Obviously,
your young children may be oblivious to the larger outside world, and maybe
you’d like to keep it that way. But don’t automatically assume they won’t hear
something from their daycare, church class, other relatives, what have you. And
don’t automatically assume they are better off being sheltered from it all.
Kids are incredibly “bouncy,” they can handle so much more than we give them credit for. I challenge
you to use this Haiti
horror to introduce your kids to your own broken heart.
- Talk to them about it
in gentle, but realistic, terms, even using terms like earthquake, people
dying, kids losing their family members, etc.
- Use the dinner table to talk
about or pray about this, and let your kids see your genuine concern.
- Let
them know how you’re contributing, how you’re praying, and how grateful you are
for all the blessings that so many people no longer have.
School-age
kids
There’s
no doubt that these children have heard and/or seen their fair share of this
tragic event. When universal events are on everyone’s hearts
and minds (and lips), your kids are looking to you more than ever. They don’t
know how to articulate their questions or concerns, so it’s incumbent upon you
to help them.
- Volunteer some of your thoughts, concerns, and actions.
- Ask them about theirs. What do they think about all this? Are they
afraid? Do they have questions about death, about suffering, about God? Do you?
How would they like to help?
- Encourage them to pitch in. Jenny and I have already helped our kids send some
of their money, and our kids felt not only aware of the suffering but a little
more empowered to handle it. This can have long term benefits as well,
equipping our kids with a greater sense of compassion, responsibility, and
capability to handle whatever comes their way.
Teenagers
Kids all
over the world are mobilizing to help in numerous ways, from raising funds to
organizing supplies to planning later mission trips. Don’t let your teen miss
out.
- Talk openly about the tragedy with them, confessing your own
feelings of heartbreak, gratitude, and compassion. Then, and this is critical,
- ASSUME that they are already wondering what they can do to get involved. Don’t
ask them WHETHER something’s going on at their school or youth group, ask them
WHAT IS going on, and ask how you can be supportive. Don’t ask them IF they’re
thinking about getting involved, ask them WHAT they’re ALREADY thinking about
doing. Kids like to be thought well of, and they respond so differently when
adults assume the best about them, rather than the worst. This is a prime
opportunity for you to practice this.
- Finally, don’t get upset if they haven’t started
thinking about getting involved, however. If not, then you can ask IF they want
to, and offer your support whatever they decide.
One of
the fascinating aspects about catastrophe is the difference in people’s
responses to it. Studies and experts agree that those Haitian survivors who get
quickly involved in helping those around them, even beyond their own family and
friends, are the ones who will suffer less emotional and psychological trauma
later. Those that, understandably, allow themselves to get paralyzed by the
trauma, will, unfortunately, perpetuate the trauma in their own lives going
forward. The same principle is true for all of us, and for our kids. Get aware,
get conversational, and get responsive. Share your experiences with your kids,
and watch them surprise you with their own hearts and hands. We’ll all be
better off, even in the presence of trauma.
Peace,
Hal Edward Runkel, LMFT
President
The ScreamFree Institute
…because
every child deserves a peaceful home.
http://www.screamfree.org
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