A ScreamFree Coaching client tells how the outcome of her sessions far exceeded her initial hopes and expectations.
Well, that’s a difficult question to answer, but I think I can do it the most justice by sharing a letter I just received from a client the other day.
First, congratulations on the new book, ScreamFree Marriage. I know it will help many, many people it certainly made a huge impact on me. I made this comment on the Facebook page too, but it truly applies not just to marriage, but other relationships as well. For me, it brought me back to my faith. For the first time in years, God and I are on speaking terms. I’ve dusted off my Bible, started praying and have opened my heart back up. Who would think I’d get all that from a “marriage” book?
Secondly, after our sessions with you, my husband and I are in a really, really good place right now and I think we have the tools we need to keep it that way. If not, well … we have your number! The outcome of this process has so far exceeded my initial hopes and expectations that it’s difficult to express. I came into it thinking we’d get some rule book on fighting fair and that we might actually learn to tolerate each other. Instead, we discovered that we actually still like each other (go figure!) and there’s more passion than there’s been since … well ... forever. I had hoped that you would “fix” my husband; instead, I’ve learned so much about myself and about being my best self, that I no longer think about changing him (most of the time anyway).
We talked about this briefly in the last session, but when you represent a couple as being “tied” together, whether by a line on the white board, or the string on your Russian carving, it’s not just one string that connects them, it’s lots of individual threads. When we started this process, the only threads holding us together were the children, the house and the business. So, when any little issue came along, we were out there dangling in the wind, pulling away from each other. Now, we’re able to stand together, united by all these other threads of friendship, respect, desire, goals, common interests, family, etc. And, just as importantly, we’re able to step apart and still stand separately, confident that those threads will be there to pull us back together.
If I had to summarize the two most important life lessons I’ve learned, I would say: Lesson #1 - Taking personal response-ability. Lesson #2 Not acting out of fear. My own personal corollary to lesson #2 is that simply naming the fear can often eliminate it. The gnawing fear in the pit of the stomach can be a very powerful thing that leads to bad decisions. When I’m able to step back and ask myself “What am I really afraid of?”, the answer is often something so stupid that it’s not scary at all.
Sunday, our son paid us the biggest compliment. He sat us down and informed us “Mom/Dad, we need to talk. You’re acting like you’re in your 20s and it’s just weird.” My husband and I looked at each other and burst out laughing and told him “Dude, we can live with that.”
I don’t know how to thank you enough for guiding us through this. It is no exaggeration to say this has been a life-changing experience and we truly, truly appreciate it.